I had the AMAZING opportunity to have an e-chat with an all around awesome mom thanks to Heather as part of the Open Adoption Bloggers Project.
. Notice I didn’t say “Adoptive Mom” or “Birth Mom” or “First Mom”. These modifiers cast a shadow on what an awesome opportunity it is to be a MOM. Whether you birthed a child but didn’t raise them or raised a child but didn’t birth them doesn’t change the fact that you are still a very important part of someone’s life. I love that the Open Adoption Interview Project incorporates so many different types of Moms! It offers a great chance to see how others handle situations and allows us to open our minds a little. As a newbie to adoptions and blogging, I’m honored to be a part of this project!
Courtney’s children are lucky to have her as a guiding light, a friend, a mentor, and a shining personality that can’t be hidden in the shadows….which I’m sure they will just LOVE as teenagers!!! J Had l not been 800 miles away from Courtney, I could imagine sitting down for a cup of tea and possibly some funky vegan treats with her. She has such a WARM, friendly personality and I was immediately comfortable talking to her!
Without further a-do, let me introduce Mama Courtney, mother of 4, vegan, and all around funky chick!
Q: Did you choose to adopt all special needs children for a reason?
A: Well, not exactly. When we first adopted our (now four year old) daughter (Beauty) from Guatemala, we knew we would be given very limited medical information and even less family history. When she arrived in the US at exactly nine months of age, she functioned much like a two month old. She was so behind developmentally, she couldn't even hold her head up when placed on her stomach. Even now, she "measures" about a year behind. We kind of jumped head first into advocating for her; when the time arose where we started thinking about adopting again, the term "special needs" was at the forefront of our minds.
Q: What is your “Cause”? Everyone has one..what do you advocate for and why?
A: I'd be hard-pressed to pick only one. Due to Sunshine, I'm hugely into raising awareness of Shaken Baby Syndrome. We also donate monthly to the hospital where Little Flower was born (and spent over two months of her life). Ultimately, though, I advocate for my kids. Sometimes I don't make a lot of friends in doing so, but I will never settle for less than absolutely anything and everything they need.
Q: Are your adoptions Open/Closed/Something in between?
A: My husband, K., adopted our son, and up until recent months, I kept in very loose contact with Bear's biological father (although he never mentioned any desire to meet Bear). Beauty is adopted from Guatemala and her adoption is completely closed. Sunshine is being adopted from the foster care system, and we maintain communication with her step-grandma and grandpa (amazing people). Little Flower's adoption is by far the most open; we are in regular contact with her mom and maternal grandparents (they are fantastic; we are so lucky to consider them all a part of our family). We keep a public photo-sharing account with a POTD (photo of the day) of LF and have done so since the day she joined our family. We get to see LF's (first) family every few months (on average) and it is awesome beyond words.
Q: What is your biggest day to day challenge?
A: Probably budgeting for unexpected expenses. If not budgeting, let's just sum it up by saying "school day mornings". It is absolute chaos around here from the hours of, say, 5:30-7:30AM. But I wouldn't have it any other way!
Q: How did you fund your adoptions?
A: We only had to actively fund Beauty's adoption. We took out a personal loan that was quite extensive. Suffice to say, it will be a long, long time before it's paid in full. LF's adoption was "reduced rate" due to her special needs, and adopting from the state has been--for all intents and purposes--free.
Q: What constitutes a good day for you?
A: Every day is a good day for me. I'm just happy to be alive, taking it all in, soaking up my babies, spending this life with my soulmate. I try not to let stresses get too deeply under my skin. I figure that we only have one chance in this life to make it count, and being that it is so precious and so fleeting...I try to make the best of every day. To be sure, I have my moments where I lose sight, but I try to stay focused on the awesomeness. :)
Q: Do you believe in signs?
A: I am a strong believer in fate. I don't believe that much is left to chance. I think everyone who enters someone's life (regardless of whether they stay or leave at some point) is there because he/she was meant to be.
Q: What are your top 5 favorite songs right now?
A:
1. "I and Love and You" (The Avett Brothers)
2. "Paradise" (Coldplay)
3. "I Belong To You / Mon Cœur S'ouvre à Ta Voix" (Muse)
4. "Your Ghost" (Tori Amos)
5. "Perfect Halves" (The Ashtray Hearts)
Q: What is the best compliment you’ve ever received?
A: I think the best compliment I've ever received is when someone told me they felt that I made a lifelong difference in their world. I also never tire of hearing people tell me my kids have good manners (music to my ears!) or are adorable ('cause, you know, they are ;).
Q: What do you think that we could all do to help bring awareness to comments about our journey to parenthood ?
A: I guess it depends on to which kind of comments you are referring. I think that, on a whole, people (especially strangers) are well-intentioned but a little too forthcoming in their questioning as to how you anticipate building your family. I've found that many people seem to take it upon themselves to share their (unasked and undesired) opinion where our "family plan" is/was concerned. I've also had people straight up ask me if we're rich since we were adopting (we're not), how much it cost (who says that?!), or if I can't have a baby biologically (I can, or at least I'd assume I can again--I have no reason to think otherwise). I wish that people were more sensitive and enthusiastic and less judgmental, but that's pretty much true for all facets of conversation/life, IMHO.
Q: What is your OFF LIMIT subject? Why?
A: Abortion. I'm staunchly pro-choice and have a very hard time accepting the viewpoints of pro-lifers while keeping my cool. I tend to steer clear of politics as well, unless I'm certain the individual with whom I'm speaking is a (very) liberal democrat like myself.
Q: What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for your family?
A: Two people--we barely knew them as acquaintances at the time--bought our family a gorgeous green wheelchair accessible van. As in "bought it outright". They blessed us in the most amazing way and even now...it still floors me to think of it. We weren't sure how we were going to get Sunshine to and from; her kid cart (weighing in at a respectable 83.3 pounds) barely fit in the back of our minivan. I couldn't lift it in by myself, so travel without K. was all but impossible. These two amazing individuals--in my blog I refer to them as The Van Angels--changed our world in a million different ways with their selfless generosity. I'm tearing up just typing out these very words. It's amazing that people like this even exist in this world, truly.
Q: Why should people adopt?
A: This is a tough one for me. When we started the adoption process (for the first time), I was very innocent and naive as a whole. I really ate up the agency propaganda and felt it was a "good" thing to do--both for us/our family and for the child. My personal thoughts now? Adoption is still a good thing--when it's absolutely necessary. I think family should always be given the option first and then if all else fails, an adoptive family should be found. I think the focus really needs to shift from "finding a child for a family" to "finding a family for a child". Suffice to say, I am a huge advocate for foster care adoption.
Q: When did you know you were going to adopt?
A: I always had a feeling I would one day be an adoptive mom. For as long as I can remember, it (the feeling) was just *there*. We put our first adoption plan into place after finding out that K. and I are both carriers of the Cystic Fibrosis gene. More on that in my next answer, though...
Q: Why did you adopt?
A: Oh, man. How much time do you have? ;) In short, we decided to adopt after finding we were both CF carriers. While I was pregnant with our son, I tested positive as a carrier for CF. My son's biological father (who voluntarily relinquished parental rights/has never even met Bear) tested negative. Knowing we wanted a larger family, my husband (we married while I was pregnant) was tested before Bear was even born. He too is a carrier. Any child born to us would have a 25% chance of being born with Cystic Fibrosis. Our options were as follows: "chancing" it, donor insemination, IVF, or adoption. The decision was a no brainer for us.
Q: What is your favorite food?
A: Tough one! I love most things tofu, vegan cinnamon rolls, vegan pizza balls (pockets), brown rice, most veggies, etc. I'm pretty flexible. Well, sans the whole meat-dairy-eggs thing. :)
Q: How do you eat your eggs?
A: I don't. :) I adhere to a vegan diet and I looooove it.
Q: What is your secret Mommy trick to quite your kids when they are crazy loud?
A: My secret, never-fail trick? The Quiet Game. My kids--for whatever reason--LOVE it. The pretense is pretty simple: the first person to make any sort of sound automatically loses. Both of my older kids have a friendly competitive streak so neither one ever wants to lose. It usually diffuses the situation and buys me at least a few moments of silence (and that can go a long way!).
Q: What are the colors of your living room?
A: My house is a tri-level and our living room, dining room, and kitchen are on the "main level". Both my living and dining room are white with beige accents--very plain. This was my deliberate act to "offset" my kitchen; I have a teal oven and range from--legit--1964 and I painted all my walls (and cabinets) jet black. Oh, make that black with teal skulls. Love skulls. (How cool is that?!?!) Yeah, I'm a little eccentric, I know.
Q: Give me 20 words that describe you/your family and all of your names.
A: Twenty words that describe me/my family:
1. loving
2. opinionated
3. close-knit
4. loyal
5. innovative
6. flexible
7. stubborn (we've all got a streak of it in us ;)
8. resourceful
9. open (to life, to each other, to possibility)
10. fluid
11. chaotic (especially in the morning!)
12. devoted
13. thoughtful
14. spiritual
15. expressive
16. determined (a good and bad thing, to be sure!)
17. loud (mouthed)
18. tenderhearted (admittedly, I'm more of a bleeding heart myself, but whatever)
19. grateful (for each other, our friends and family, all that we have)
20. joyous ('cause that's just how we roll :)
And the family roster, at least as far as "teh internetz" are concerned:
Make sure you check out Courtney and her site: http://blog.lovewilllead.com/
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