Saddened

Back in March I wrote this post about how I made some changes to grow in my life and lost a friend. I've tried hard to not talk about her behind her back or to hate on her just because she was able to take a big leap forward and purchase a house while D and I were still paying off debt. I was excited for her new home purchase and hurt by how she was acting and frankly I was just fed up with the way our lives were being turned into a competition. I felt (and still feel) that I am in competition with no one but me.  We chose to part ways and we haven't had contact with each other for almost 6 months.

Oh, Facebook! How I love and hate thee! While Facebook stalking my sister (what?! you do it too so shuddup! ;P) the old friend's name popped up. She had changed her profile picture to include her daughter whom I had been VERY close to and still love. (D described her as the kind of kid who is a shooting star that sparkles across the night sky and makes every other kid look plain around her. Pretty poetic, huh?! It's not that she's drop dead gorgeous; she is a cute kid but it is her personality that makes her special. She's bright and funny and bubbly and just SPECIAL. I miss her terribly!) Naturally, I felt the need to stalk her.

Some kids are born to shine.

In the past 5 1/2 ish months something has gone wrong. I got licensed to marry this girl to the husband of her dreams. I planned the short spur of the moment ceremony and cried as they kissed. I supported her in her attempts to achieve her dream life. You know: 2.5 kids, white picket fence...the ultimate suburban dream that we both shared. We shared marital frustrations and joys and I LOVED this girl. We were inseparable until that competition seeped into our relationship and even then I never stopped caring for her.
In my FB Stalking I found out that she moved cross country back to her family and recently changed back to her maiden name and unfriended her husband. I truly hope that my stalking is incorrect and that everything is good with them.
My heart is breaking for them and I sent her a message letting her know that I'm still here to talk and that I don't need the deets. I'm not a saint and I say I TRIED not to talk crap on her...not that I succeeded. But I did keep my venting to a very limited group of people that have no ties to her.
If you're reading this, can you send lots of love and positive thoughts to her and her hubby. I'm thinking they might really need some right about now. And J, I meant it when I said that this friendship wasn't disposable. PJ and I didn't talk for a good 3 years. Call me. Message me. Email me. You have my contact information and I care about you. xx