MY FAVORITE BAND....EVER has put up a new blog!!!!!! I am sooooo uber excited about it that I could pee myself!!!
Back in 2007 D & I were attending an awesome church and really hitting our spiritual stride. We had come to peace with our pasts (Whoa, buddy! That was a LAAARGE pill to swallow) and thinking that we could move forward towards our future that our God had surely laid out for us all nice and neat in a beautiful package. A future that included children...A future that was beautiful and easy. (Boy, were we W.R.O.N.G!) After attending one of the young adults groups we met Adams (Yes..with an 's' on the end as in plural even though it was just one Adam(s)...if it bugs you, just pretend that he's two people!) and he gave me a copy of his first CD "
Irrelevant Truth" with one of my absolute favorite songs,
If Ever, on it. I must have worn a hole in that disk I listened to it so much.
In case you don't know me very well, I'll fill you in on a little secret but you HAVE to promise not to laugh at me..I'm a big cry baby. I'm the girl you find in the bathroom with tears streaming down her face from a church sermon; I'm the kind of person that tears up whenever something really and truly speaks to me..Hallmark commercials...poetry...and especially music. Adams' music has ALWAYS had that effect on me.
(An excerpt from 4:05 off of Irrelevant Truth)
Do you regret me
A thorn in your side
Or do you see everything
In Your time?
Cause tonight my screams are whispers
And my lies are small and white
Tonight I feel like emptiness
is just a state of mine
As I reread these lyrics that I've heard at least 1,000,000 I'm tearing up a little bit. This disc was given to me at a time when I felt like I was empty; like I was hollow and nothing could fill me up. D & I were on the brink of serious issues and it was nice to know that I wasn't the only person who felt this way. This song comforted me because if Adams, a member of the worship team and awesome Christian could feel this way than maybe I wasn't so alone.
A few years later,
the title song of Irrelevant Truth really spoke to where D & I were in our marriage and actually helped me give D the space and time he needed. Needless to say, this album is and was a favorite of mine and continuously in my rotation (Up until it finally died a few months ago. I'm going to need to purchase it and you should too!
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/adamswilson)
D & I walked away from church and shied away from Christianity as a whole for a long while. We had issues with the idea of a divine Deity who loved and cared for each one of his children. D & I had a lot of anger over our infertility and blamed it on God. It devastated us and shook us to our core. We started to question everything we believed and the song Dear Jesus off of Adams' second album
My Best Guess swirled around and around in my head. This CD has been on auto play in my office for the past few weeks and I still identify with it.
Dear Jesus
I'm feeling so tired
Come back in a while
I'm waiting in line
for the outside world
I gave it a try
Yeah that is my line
I'm waving goodbye
From the outside world
(Dear Jesus from My Best Guess - 2008ish)
D & I are slowly picking up the pieces where we dropped them after being crushed by the need to be a "Perfect Christian", and we know that there is no such thing. I'll admit it, I'll be a big girl and say it out loud for anyone who has felt this way. The pressure to never question every word written in the Bible and put on the front of "Happy, Perfect Christian" is weighty. We felt that we weren't allowed to grieve the loss of our natural born family or be angry at God or the situation we were in and it was one of the leading factors of our decision to leave our church. Just an FYI, people- "Pray about it" isn't a good answer. If one more person (YES, THIS INCLUDES YOU, MOM) tells me to "Pray about it" I will explode on you. Take it as a warning!
My Best Guess set my fears and questions about my life and my God to music. I am forever grateful to Adams and the whole band for being. Not for just for making music or for being brave enough to actually take a good honest look at their lives and religion and let me be a voyeur into their private thoughts but for just being themselves and not trying to be anyone else. Yes..I know it sounds cheesy but I'm being honest here and you know what? I have the sharing stick! You all can suck it until I give the sharing stick up!
And I never heard the words
But I felt you change my heart
And though the shadows turn
I'll trust in who you are
(Just Waiting from Irrelevant Truth)
Even though I've questioned everything I've ever believed I truly feel that my heart and life has been changed by my faith. Now as D & I wait and ache and hope and pray and wait some more for our heart's desire I'll trust that there is a plan...even if I question it.
I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my soon to be favorite new CD but for now I make myself happy by continuously playing the music available on
ReverbNation. I could never say enough good things about Adams Wilson. If my life were a musical, Adams Wilson would be the soundtrack. CHECK THEM OUT PEOPLE!!!!!
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| In honor of Aunt Jessa who told me to never stop taking pictures of myself with post its...and Adams Wilson-the band that rocks enough to play them at work!!!! |
