I'm am going to start this post of by giving everyone a heads up-I'm a little miffed!
I was over on
Adoptive Families Circle's transracial family page and came across a post that steamed me a little. Maybe it's because I'm a white girl who grew up in a town with a large Hispanic and African American population but I don't understand why or how I'm supposed to avoid having my children identify as "white" when I don't identify as "white"! I identify as being an American. I identify as being a Jersey Girl I identify myself as Irish, English, Scottish, and Italian (if only by friendship!). I know Americans who have darker skin than I do. I know Jersey Girls who aren't the same color as I am and not just because they fake bake! I know Irish, English, Scottish, and Italians that aren't day glo white like I am. However,
Jane A. Brown MSW posts "When children of color grow up with white parents and are surrounded by whiteness, they identify 'white.'"
My children are going to be surrounded by people who love them and care about them. Hopefully they will identify as "loved" and "cared for" even if it does happen to be by people with skin the color of the inside of an almond.
I've always believed that a child in need is a child in need. Apparently
Ms. Jane A. Brown would rather not allow the agencies that place children put them into "these situations where our children can’t get their needs met—and they are FOUNDATIONAL needs..." Apparently Jane dearest believes that a loving home isn't as important as having the color of our skin match.
I'm so irritated there is cartoon steam coming out of my ears!!!
Oh, girl. Ironically I did not find the article offensive. Maybe because I have read so many articles that were so incredibly offensive, and been called evil so many times by commenters on my blog, that I am immune to it now? ;)
ReplyDeleteIf you are online in the adoption world, I'm sure you've already learned there are a lot of 'interesting' people with very strong opinions. You've gotta just learn to roll your eyes.
It's good practice for motherhood, because believe me, there will be a lot of 'interesting' people with very strong opinions about how you should raise your child too. Practice with me now: roll your eyes, exhale, and click on over to a nice adoption blog instead.
OH MY GOODNESS, Missy! I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm soooo linking to you..if that's ok! :D
ReplyDeleteI arrived at your blog after reading the article and all the comments including yours. I'm sure you mean well. I get the distinct impression you're a really nice a person from your blog. However, I am concerned about your naviete? I don't know what else to call it. There is no such thing as color blind. Just like you see that red sweater, you see skin color and that's not a bad thing. If God wanted us all to look alike, we would all be spitting images of each other. So hoping your child overlooks your color and vice versa is not only realistic, it's damaging. It says I don't see you. You wrote another post about not wanting your kid to feel left out or stand out. I'm paraphrasing of course. I assure you, there is no better way to feel isolated than to be one of 5 blacks in the whole school or the only black person in your neighborhood. I know because I've been there. I appreciate the comments you made on the other post about what you will do to celebrate diverse cultures i.e. celebrating different holidays and reading the history of black people and others. That's awesome. But it's equally important that your child see and interact with people that look like him/her. It's about identity, bonding, and sense of self. Everyone wants to see themselves represented in some way. I know you're open to educating yourself on this topic. I would encourage to read material written by adult adoptees. They are the best source. You can learn what worked and what didn't. Full disclosure, I am not an adoptee. I just spent a lot of time in white schools which had its own set of challenges and interesting experiences. Church and all its auxiliaries was all black so I feel I like I had a really balanced environment growing up. If I didn't have that balance, I don't think my sense of self would have been as solidified once I became an adult.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to talk about it, I'm always open to listen. Email me at thekingfamily27@gmail.com
ReplyDelete