My Almost Baby-part 1

Almost a year ago I received a text message asking "Do you want a 2 yo black baby girl?" My heart skipped a beat and without thinking my chubby fingers raced over my phone's keyboard, "YES!!!!" 
I raced down to Lower Level 3 (LL3) from my 6th floor office to the friend that had texted me to get more information and find out where my daughter was. Yes...I already thought of her as my child. I had no clue what she looked like or who she was but she was mine. As I talked to the friend about Baby Girl's situation I couldn't help but think of how easy this was. I had heard of people waiting for adoptions for yeaaaars and yeaaars and here Baby Girl plopped into our laps.
I called D and asked him what he thought and we agreed that we should go visit Baby Girl at her aunt's house first. We went over and were greeted by noisy, dirty, hungry children. Everyone wanted NEEDED attention and D & I were overwhelmed to say the least! Baby Girl was introduced to us and we scrutinized her just as she scrutinized us. She had skin that was dry and ashy but would be a beautiful, warm brown with a little TLC, cornrows that looked like Velcro, snot dried to her nose, and clothes that were too big and dirty. I was HORRIFIED that anyone would allow a child (theirs or not) to be in that condition. Baby Girl was living with her aunt who treated BG and her siblings like second class citizens and common criminals. The aunt wanted to get rid of them and had already talked to the state social worker about putting them up for adoption. D & I didn't want to get too attached until we knew what was going on but we agreed to take Baby Girl for the weekend.
We picked up Baby Girl for the weekend and this child was so hungry she ate an entire can of veggie soup by herself! She didn't say a word; she just allowed me to spoon more and more soup into her. I changed her diaper which should have been changed A LONG TIME AGO and put her in jammies. Baby Girl fell asleep almost instantly in the crook of my arm suckling her fingers. I watched her sleep for a long time, my heart aching at the care she was being given. I was so thankful that I could give her a home where she was cherished and well taken care of. The next morning I woke up to see these big brown eyes scoping me out as D and I snatched the last few Zs of the early Saturday morning. I scootched over and offered part of our bed to Baby Girl and she climbed in and went back to sleep with her head resting right underneath my chin. I laid there in silence reveling in the simple joy of her warm, little body curled with mine until my tummy rumbled. I got up to go make breakfast and she continued to sleep with D.

After breakfast D went to work and I guess I went to work on Baby Girl. First on the agenda-a bath. This child smelled like rancid oil and was in desperate need of a good, long soak in a warm bubble bath. I called up a good friend of mine and asked her how I should take care of Baby Girl's hair because I was taking it out of those horrible cornrows and going to make sure my baby was clean. 



Towel Time!!



I started with a wide toothed comb and some Pink Oil. I would soak her braids in Pink Oil and try to ease the tangles out. A few hours later (this was one patient child!) I had her hair flying free from the cornrows and realized that it no longer looked like Velcro! I called my friend back in tears because my hands were covered in black with occasional bits of hair here and there. I was certain that I had pulverized her hair as it broke off during my brushing. My friend laughed and laughed and called me a crazy white girl. Her hair was just DUUUUURRTY!  I ran a bubble bath for Baby Girl who was terrified of the bubbles at first. (I doubt she had ever seen a tub with bubbles and toys before.) After a little coaxing she sat down in the bubbles and let me bathe her. After I rinsed her off with the shower I wrapped her in a warm fluffy towel and held her for a minute as I watched the gray water drain down the tub.

Next on the agenda was to tend to her skin. I may be a white girl but I have had plenty of AA friends who joked about ashy skin. I grabbed a bottle of Skin Milk Lotion and started to lovingly massage my baby's juicy thighs and arms with it. While I lotioned her up I talked to her and sang to her and was rewarded generously with a big toothy smile and could see our future as a family in her chocolate eyes. The next step on Project Baby Clean was to wash her hair.

My little princess

I know that I made some mistakes now but at that point her hair was so dirty I knew it needed to be washed, not just conditioned and rinsed but actually WASHED. I grabbed a bottle of shampoo that the kind, black lady at Walmart suggested to me and laid Baby Girl on the kitchen counter with her head over the sink and proceeded to wash her hair. She eventually fell asleep during the 5th rinsing of her hair. I filled the kitchen sink FIVE (yes, 5!!) times so I could rinse her hair before it finally rinsed clean. I could not imagine the lack of care my beautiful baby had received prior to me. As I towel tried her hair and added conditioners and layer upon layer of product to it I learned my first parenting lesson: ALWAYS PUT YOUR CHILD IN A DIAPER DIRECTLY AFTER LEAVING THE BATHTUB! Yup...Baby Girl peed all over me!! I still smile to this day thinking about that.
Finally after almost 3 hours of bathing and primping this child she was clean and sweet smelling like she should have been. I pulled her hair up into afro-puffs and popped a cute headband on with a big flower, got her dressed and fed her lunch. D came home soon after that and stopped as soon as he saw her. He could not believe this was the same child that we had picked up last night. We decided we were just going to live our lives the same way we always had and see how Baby Girl fit into our life. We immediately felt like a family. I saw what kind of father my husband was going to be and I won't lie to ya, I cried like a big baby in the shower that night after watching him and Baby Girl.
D was gentle and kind with BG. When he talked to her he would get down on her level and look her in the eyes. He waited until she finished her babbling response and would shake his head and pretend to understand. D played with her and made her squeal with laughter when he blew raspberries on her tummy or tossed her in the air and caught her. They would curl up together and watch Dora or Little Bill. At first D seemed hesitant about getting close to Baby Girl but there was just something about this child that would melt even the coldest person's heart and make them fawn all over her. I loved D even more than before. He was the kind of father that I wish I had grown up with. Loving, caring, compassionate, funny, and attentive.

David was so happy to have a daughter.

Saturday turned to Sunday too quickly and suddenly it was time to return my baby to her aunt's house. After we returned to our home we noticed it was too quiet...too peaceful. We truly missed our daughter. D and I had a long discussion about how our lives were going to be changed by Baby Girl. We were suddenly going to have day care (right around the corner from our house), diapers to purchase (makes a Costco membership worthwhile), and an extra mouth to feed. Admittedly I was smitten and not thinking about the legal aspects of adoption but I had held this child and felt her open up to me and learn to trust that I was not going to hurt her and she loved me (not as much as she loved 'nanas, but still!). I knew that she had to be part of my family.


This picture breaks my heart.



Baby Girl fit into our lives like a piece we didn't realize we were missing. We had known we wanted to have children and we had suffered through unsuccessful infertility treatments and grieved the loss of our dreams. Baby Girl was a piece in our mosaic and we hoped to cement her into our lives.