Practice Mommying on someone else's kids and you don't have to worry about the therapy bills!

I'm learing that it's a good idea to practice your parenting skillzzzz on someone else's kids so you have it down pat for your own! Besides...it'll save you on the therapy bills later in life! Here are a few examples why!
Let me set the scene for you: Doodle is perched on a stack of rubbermaid totes that have sprouted 1/2 in my walk in closet & 1/2 out of it but 100% in the way with white, minty foam coming out of her mouth while I explain why it is important to brush your teeth. She keeps trying to suck the foamy, spit back in because it is apparently DELICIOUS and hey! who wouldn't want to suck down minty, frothy spit?!
Me: You have to brush your teeth to get all the germs off of them.
Doodle: Gwaekrla;jkdgfuaio;dlkfjakd
Me: Uh....Yup! The germs like to live on your teeth and eat holes into them.
Doodle's eyebrows shoot up in extreme alarm
Me (trying to comfort her): I know, right?! I don't want little germies living in my mouth, making my breath smell bad, and I don't want my teeth to have holes in them and break off and fall out either! (I know! I know!! I'm not doing such a hot job here!!)That's why we brush them in the morning and at night before we go to bed!
Doodle spits and admires her sparkly teefers in the mirror then runs out to the living room to put her socks and shoes on at which point she turns around to me and says:
"Ohhhh....(Insert other friend's name here whose daughter is starting to lose her baby teeth) must not brush (insert gap toothed girl's name here) 'cause her teef are all coming out!"
Me: "Uh huh...wait, what?" I know that we've had the talk about why the other little girl's teeth have fallen out multiple times! Doodle runs off to play and leaves me there wondering how that scenario is going to play out when all the friends get together again..Oh lordy...

Scenario a few days ago:
Somehow Aunt Jessa, Doodle and I were talking about Doodle having TWO boyfriends at daycare and how they hold hands. While the idea is adorable at first glance I don't want her getting the idea that she can kiss at age FOUR! Aunt Jessa and I proceed to tell her that we don't kiss cause boys have cooties..Ok, well...a little less Jess and a whole lot more than cooties....These are obviously waaay weirder and grosser than cooties...
Me: "Boys have cooties that you catch when kissing. You know how people close their eyes when they kiss? It's so the cooties that live in a boy's nose don't bite your eyeballs out!"
At this point Doodle is staring at me in horror with her mouth hanging open and a look of disgust on her face.
"The cooties are blueish green and have BIG, POINTY TEETH (What?! Behind the rabbit?? NO! IT ISSSS the rabbit!!!) that come out to bite you if you are kissing and you're not married!!!"
Doodle: "Ohh....that's gross!" and runs off to play.
Yup...I'm pretty sure I just turned her into a lesbian!!

Boy's cooties!!!