Baby Girl...Part 2

Well...she's been weighing heavily on my mind lately so I figure I might as well tell the rest of it.

Read PART ONE first!!
After these visits with Baby Girl, we wanted to move forward legally. I don't want to be a glorified babysitter; I want to be a MOTHER. My good friend, Racean (pronounced RAY-shawn), was in constant contact with me and Baby Girl's aunt. Racean and I talked it over and decided that if I would take the youngest (Baby Girl) of the siblings she would take the other THREE. Racean is truly an angel. You have to understand that at this point she already had 4? of her own, twins on the way and a goddaughter that frequently lived with her. And yet she was still ready to take on THREE other kids!!!
We agreed that we would let the kids talk to each other every night, alternate sleepover weekends where each family would take turns taking all the kids, attend Racean's church every Sunday, get together every holiday and we would aim for 2-3 family dinners every month. That's a LOT of compromise there. We would be seeing Racean and Baby Girl's family 1-2 times every week and at least 8-10 times per month. We had a game plan and we were going to give some little kids some MUCH needed love, attention, and a home that wanted them.
It broke my heart every time I dropped BG off at her aunt's house. She would be shuffled into the room that she shared with her older sister and two older brothers that had an A.L.A.R.M. on the door that sounded every time someone opened it. Yes, those kids were prisoners in their aunt's house. I was there for dinner one day and the aunt's children had McDonald's for dinner while BG & her siblings had 2 slices of salami on white bread and water for dinner. WTF?! Who treats kids like that???? I don't care if you don't like the kids; they're still children that rely on you for everything!!!!
Racean and I spoke to the case worker on this case and told them we would like to adopt them and that we had a game plan. I made it very clear that I understand there is a cultural difference between me and my future daughter but I had a plan to help her remain in touch with her roots and her family and her culture. I explained how I had learned to do her hair and take care of her skin. I let them know that I understood the dirty looks that I was going to receive when I took her out to the park, the mall, the restaurant. D & I understood that there were always going to be whispers behind hands from people who were TRYING to be tactful and full on stares or rude comments from people who were ignorant. None of that matters when it comes to love. I loved this little girl like she was my own. I was prepared to take care of this little girl like she had come from my "lady garden" while acknowledging that she was the daughter of another mother. We were even prepared to keep the family ties with her first family and add them to our family.
These ladies sat in my living room drinking iced tea and nibbling on the fruit tray I put out smiling and nodding their heads. Racean and I explained how we were going to practically co-parent so the kids wouldn't feel like they were separated. Then they dropped a bomb on us. If we wanted Baby Girl, we had to take the youngest boy. Uh..say what? This isn't a sale at Younkers...there shouldn't be any fine print. We're not expecting a BOGO event here, people...we're talking about kids who need homes and people who are willing to give them!
My mind works fast...sometimes way faster than D's does. I said that we would think about it and do a visit with him this coming weekend. D has always wanted a son; I have always wanted a daughter. This would be almost perfect. Baby Girl was the sweetest little thing on Earth; she was so eager to please and hungry for attention and love and if her brother was anything like her I would be honored to have him as a son too!
Fast forward to the end of the week. D & I are excited to get our kids and get on with our plans for the weekend which included tickets to a football game.
Game didn't go well and the little boy was hell on 2 tiny feet. I swear he wanted to drown in the indoor pool! He kept leaving the floatie to jump off the step as far away from me as possible. Let me tell ya something...little kids can MOVE! As we were walking away from the pool, he let go of my hand and jumped back into the pool. I am 250 ISH pounds and not prone to running...it makes my boobs bounce too much and that crap HURTS! I hauled ass and jumped in after him only to see Baby Girl come flying in after us. That brings me to parenting lesson #2: DO NOT TAKE MORE THAN ONE TODDLER TO THE POOL WITH OUT ADDITIONAL ADULTS. This kid was unruly and hell bent on tearing up anything he could from papers in the car to clothing to my cats! When he was with Baby Girl all he did was torment her. He would pinch her, bend her fingers back, pull her hair, smack her, steal her food, bite her. I swear I spend that entire weekend trying to keep him off of her. I knew there was no way I could handle the two of them together so Racean and I made a plan. After the adoptions were finalized, I would sign custody over to her and she would take the little boy. She wanted him because he LOVED her and Chuck (her husband) and they already had a special bond. I'm not sure why the case workers were ok with splitting the kids up in 2 and 2 but not in 3 and 1.
Then we found out that it wasn't even an option. Because D & I are white. Yup. Mama found out that we were white and raised hell. Apparently she's ok with her kids being treated horribly but not ok with them being raised by a white girl. Oh, and BTW...Racean...Yeah..she isn't white. So I'd be spending damn near 1/2 my month with Racean's family and that still wasn't good enough.
Bitter? Not any more but my heart does still ache for my brown skinned not-daughter.