Reflections

I wrote this about 2 weeks ago after we were matched with a 16 year old girl from the Nebraska foster system and never posted it. It's basically our doubts and my worry that we weren't giving her a fair chance. I'm following up with our thoughts and feelings from our second meeting on Saturday.

After what feels like FOREVER we had our first meeting with Miss B, the almost 16 year old we're thinking of adopting.
We met at a hole in the wall pizza place in an area I wouldn't live in even if I was PAID to live there (I'm such a snob!) and ordered a pizza and cinnamon monkey bread. I know you're all here to read about how the monkey bread was delicious when it was warm and soo gooey and easy to pull apart! ;)
Miss B was shy; she didn't look at me much. She was too busy texting during the WHOLE FREAKING MEETING and when she wasn't texting or chowing down, she was burping like a man. Seriously..like at LEAST 10 times! She was polite and quiet and didn't really answer any questions that we had. She did her best to skirt around the conversation until she got a little more comfortable with us.  
Here's the thing...isn't that a typical 16 year old?
She doesn't like cats, camping, swimming, being out in the open water and isn't fond of the idea of going on a cruise. There wasn't an instant spark and it wasn't love at first sight but it was a first meeting. I'm not willing to throw in the towel just because she doesn't like a lot of the things we do. I wasn't expecting a love affair-this kid has been in the system for almost 10 years..she's not very trusting and she's never really had a family.
We're going to move forward and try and focus on what we have in common:
Miss B and I like scary movies, shopping, and girlie girl things like getting our hairs did and our nails did. We both enjoy volunteer work and cooking even though she doesn't have a lot of experience under her belt.
D and Miss B both like pepperoni pizza....Yeah. I'm out of things that they have in common.
Is it wrong to cancel the match and move on because they don't have a lot of things in common? I mean, she's not a cat at an animal shelter; she's a kid in desperate need of a family who loves her. On the other hand, when do you decide it's not a good match? She's very independent; she's been on the run for 5 months! She knows how to take care of herself even if it's not the best way to take care of herself. She's got friends that she's very attached to that do things that are just unacceptable in our home. She's kind of ghetto and seems to really enjoy the lifestyle she has now.
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Reflections from our unsupervised Saturday Visit.
We waited *FOREVER* for Miss B's foster mom to call to set up our meeting. We got the approval on Tuesday at noon-ish and she didn't call until Friday at 6:30pm-ish. I had spoken with Miss B on Friday morning and let her know what our plan was: Breakfast, Farmer's Market, bowling, dinner, movie, drop off at home around 9:30 pm. When Foster Mom called she said that Miss B didn't want to go bowling because she already went on Friday...that's right-after I told her we were going on Saturday. Instead, Miss B proposed that she go get her nails done. Um. No.
Getting your nails done is not something that we can bond over and certainly not something that D would want to do. Miss B also made it clear that she wanted to be home by 6pm so that she can have her "me" time and hang out with her friends. I get that her friends are very important to her but I would think that if she was serious about getting to know us and possibly becoming part of our family she would see where the day took her and be willing to spend time with us.
We picked her up at about 8am and she was in a pair of black sweatpants turned inside out and a white undershirt with clogs on. My first impression was that she was still in her pajamas! I know she has real clothes! She has a million different pictures on Facebook in a million different outfits. We went to breakfast at a little bistro downtown and she complained about the whole menu; apparently it was weird and nothing looked good. After breakfast, we walked the Farmer's Market downtown quickly because she was getting too hot. Sweat pants in 90 degree weather isn't the best fashion choice...just sayin'! Then we went to our place to go to the pool. There was a LIST of complaints:
The back seat in the Jeep was too small
We lived too far west (Keep in mind she wanted a white family in West O that wasn't ghetto.)
Our neighborhood and the school she would be going to wasn't "diverse" enough (Kudos to her for being PC!)
The girls at our pool were stuck up and full of themselves (quite the opposite...they played with the little kids in the pool and were very friendly)
The bedroom that would be hers was too small
Our apartment was too small (it's a spacious 3 bedroom!)
The cats shed too much hair
I don't know what she expected but she didn't really seem to enjoy herself. She didn't seem to like us, our home, our neighborhood or our lifestyle. She made it very clear that she wasn't enjoying herself or enjoying spending time with us so we ended the trip around 4:30 pm with a short stop at the mall and then we dropped her off at home.
I'd say that this is enough for us to realize that we aren't the kind of parents that she wants and that she wouldn't be happy with us. :( I'm disappointed but at least we found our early on before we got attached or she got attached (which is doubtful).
We're still open to adopting from the foster system but now we're looking further out of state. Anyone have experience adopting from foster care or any suggestions for us? Are we being too picky? Let me know what you think!