What have you done for your BM/FM lately?

I was surfing around the ol' interwebs...ya know, like I do and came across a really inspiring charity that focuses on one of the most ignored parts of the triad: the Birthmother/First mother. In all my research, I've come across many sites and groups supporting adoptive parents and adopted children but nothing that wasn't through an adoption agency for birthmothers. I haven't seen many pages that support the birthmother AFTER the adoption. She tends to just fade into the background while the new parents coo over their babies and that may not be what actually happens (so feel free to tell me what you did with/for/to your BM/FM in the weeks or first months of your adoption) but that is mostly what I'm seeing.
From the day we decided that D & I were going to adopt we knew that we wanted our BM/FM to be part of our family. My heart goes out to these women making a huge sacrifice and putting themselves through years of emotional pain and suffering to give their child a better life. Maybe it's just because I'm PMSing but it bothers me to think of these women tired from giving birth, riding the post-birth emotional roller coaster and feeling isolated or alone. Thankfully, Blessings In a Basket has their backs. BIB sends baskets to birthmothers with all kinds of thoughtful supplies like journals, candles, lotions and feel good products to be delivered to their hospital room or home or where ever. The baskets are FREE to BMs/FMs!! How awesome is that?! Ashley Mitchell, the founder of BIB, is a birthmother herself and knows what it feels like After and decided to take control of her life and make an impact on others. She also has a Big Tough Girl Retreat for these women to go to and heal, a Big Tough Girl 5K Run to bring awareness and support to her "Big Tough Girls", and Monthly Support Groups for these amazing women to get together and talk, share and heal.

Amazing, right?! Ok...so I need your help. To keep this amazing organization running it takes money. If everyone who has adopted would make a donation in honor of their BM/FM we could help make baskets available to all birthmoms/first moms. Consider sponsoring a basket for a birthmom/first mom for $100. Make a donation of ANY amount. Purchase a Big Tough Girl shirt for your Big Tough Girl. If you're that strapped for cash, send Ashley an email and tell her how wonderful she is. April is a tough month for her and we could make it a little easier. Let's go girls!! After the amazing sacrifice that has blessed our lives, shouldn't we return that ($)100 fold?!

One of the fabulous baskets that are given freely

3 month recap

Lately (past 6 months or so) I've been obsessed with making sure that I'm living a life that I enjoy and that has meaning. D & I reassessed our life and realized that aside from work, and watching TV with friends that we didn't DO anything. D and I wanted to be DOERS not VIEWERS. Unfortunately this meant making BIG changes to our lives and not everybody was happy with these changes. I'm pretty sure that I won't be on my death bed wishing I had spent more time watching TV with friends. I do know that while I definitely enjoy sitting on a couch watching tv with friends (or without!) I want a more active lifestyle.
I never expected that by trying to improve my life the people I love and care about would feel threatened or turn our lives into a competition. There is no cure that I can give for that deep rooted insecurity that can creep into a friendship when the status quo changes or when one member starts to grow and leave the other member behind. It is like a single drop of dye into a glass of water; it colors everything and it is very hard to contain. I know that I've been the one that has been jealous and I know that I've been the one who hasn't been. At some point, the waters become murky and clouded and it can be hard to see the reasons for maintaining the friendship.

One of my resolutions this year was to branch out and grow. I've joined a new volunteer group, D & I are about to meet our new Little Brother, I've invested in new friendships, D & I have planned some fun activities for our immediate future. None of this means that I love the people in my lives any less; it just means that I have more experiences & adventures to share. I am not going to sit around and wait for someone to decide that they have time for me. If I'm an option, why are you my priority?

***If you're reading this, J, I truly hope that we can fix this. You're right; it has felt like a chore to maintain the friendship. But it's felt that way a lot longer than January for me. You can't expect to "put me on a shelf" for long periods of time when you're too busy or too tired or just don't want to deal with me and not expect it to get awkward. I'm not in competition with anyone but ME and it does feel like anytime I do something, you feel the need to one up me. I'm not going to play games and be passive aggressive about our friendship and I'm not going to resort to childish high school games.  I'm also not going to talk about you behind your back and given the things you've said about your friends to me and the way that a mutual friend had started acting, I'm pretty sure that you will. Do me a favor and don't. “There are times when two people need to step apart from one another or break up, but there is no rule that says they have to turn and fire.” –Robert Brault
The offer stands-give me a call in April when the winery opens up and we'll go have a glass of wine and see if we can't sort it out. Friendship isn't disposable.

Love and Marriage

Aunt Jessa, Popop, and I had a wine night scheduled for last Friday night that turned into an impromptu bachelorette party. I want to set everyone straight right now-I AM NOT A DRINKER! I get a sniff of wine and turn bright red (as you will see in pictures below!) and I know my limits. I will occasionally have a glass of wine with friends but I was all about the spinach & artichoke cheese and fresh bread on Friday night. That wine I'm holding-same glass almost all night!

Aunt Jessa just wanted the pictures to end and I had already had 1/2 a glass of wine resulting in a bright pink face!

I received an email from Aunt Jessa saying that she and Uncle Josh wanted to tie the knot on Saturday...keep in mind that I received the email on FRIDAY! Since the wondrous state of Nebraska doesn't make it difficult to get married (unless you are a same sex couple apparently), Aunt Jessa was able to get the marriage certificate on Friday night and just had to find someone to perform the ceremony. That was the tricky part. We needed someone who was ordained to pronounce them husband and wife and sign the marriage certificate. After several calls, I found ZERO judges available on such short notice and no ministers who were willing to join these two in marriage without a) being paid or b) having them complete pre-marital counselling. Enter Super-J (that's me!!) who swoops in to save the day! I got ordained (YUP!!! How crazy is that?!), planned a mini wedding, planned a bachelorette party, and actually did some work on Friday. Suh-WEET!!!
So..back to the bachelorette party:

As evidenced above, we had a great time! Aunt Jessa got her girlie tiara and the rest of us had mini tiaras and leis. Hey-It was the best I could do in short notice!!

I am truly honored that Aunt Jessa and Uncle Josh were trusting enough to let me perform their ceremony. I tried to infuse some humor into the vows but also make them meaningful for the couple. JJ (as Popop calls them) giggled, teared up, and flat out laughed as they made their promises to each other. There were times that I choked up and Aunt Jessa had to yell at me to "Pull it together" and then there were times that I had to remind her to pull it together. One of our absolute favorite pictures (I will add it on here as soon as I get a copy) is right after I pronounced them husband and wife. Jess hugged me and we just cried like little girls.  One of the most special moments of that day for me was hugging Uncle Josh afterwards. I'll leave our conversation between the two of us (I'll treat it as a confessional since I'm now an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church! LOL!!) but it truly touched me and made me cry.

The little touches:
 Jess walked down the aisle on Popop Randy's arm to "Hallelujah" and choked up as soon as she figured out what the song was.
Jess carried a bouquet from Hyvee that we had wrapped in purple ribbon (fav color) and hung a little ceramic plaque that said "Congrats" on it.
Even though the decorations were minimal (two tissue paper pomander balls hanging from Sheppard's hooks signifying the altar) they were beautiful and added a special touch.
After updating their facebook statuses and first kiss (IN THAT ORDER!!) we popped a bottle of pink champagne and made a toast to the new couple.

<3<3<3

Trouble Makers For Life!!

Best Friends Forever!!!

Dad & Aunt Jessa

We celebrated at Red Robin..YUM!!!!

Whew!!

We're all moved in and I'm about 50% of the way unpacked.
 D and I had a talk about our relationship last night to make sure we're on the same page. Apparently I say I'm going to do things and then don't do them..foot rubs...back rubs...dishes...scooping litter...If I could just remember to do them I surely would!!
We have the BIG conversation every once in a while because we believe it's important to nurture our relationship (I know it sounds UBER cheesy!) in order to keep it healthy! While we are normally pretty in tune with each other, sometimes it helps to "tune up" our relationship.
Last night we discussed annoyances (both his and mine) and the big time fight inducer...our budget. For so long I was like an ostrich with my head in the sand. If I didn't acknowledge the problem I could always say there wasn't a problem or I didn't know about the problem.
One day I realized that I made WAAAY too much money to not be able to take a trip or buy a new wardrobe or spring for lunch for the office once in a while. We sat down and made a Debt Free Plan (DFP). We didn't want to adopt and not be able to afford to give our child the best of everything and we didn't want to go in debt to adopt.
We sat down again last night and talked about the DFP and realized that we can comfortably live on just my salary. Starting in September, we are going to apply most of D's salary to our debt. By doing this, we will knock out ALL of our debt in just a hair under 18 months!!
It's important to have small goals so we are listing all of our debt in order of smallest to largest and paying them off in that order. We will continue to make the monthly payments on everything plus pay off the smallest bill that month.
I never thought we would be completely debt free and it is like the carrot held in front of the turtle! Slowly but surely we'll get there!
The idea of raising my baby in a debt free fashion is inspiring!