I just haven't met you yet

 I'm feeling a little blue right now and I can pinpoint exactly where it hurts. I feel silly sitting at my desk at work trying to hold back tears. Some people say their hearts hurt but mine doesn't. I feel like there is a hole in the middle of my rib cage and it is sucking in all the energy and any positive outlook I have today.

Today is a day that hurts. I don't usually indulge in what ifs or dream about recreating the past but I can't turn away from it today.

What if D and I had children already? Would they look like him? Would they have his green eyes or my muddy swamp colored eyes? Would they have inherited the cupid's bow of my top lip that I inherited from my mother? What about D's big nose (I certainly hope not if it was a girl! I have a much cuter girl's nose!!) or his love of spicy food? Would she be a girly girl like her mamma or would she like to play ball with her daddy? Would he sleep nestled in Popop's arms with his little rosebud mouth in a perfect smile?

I don't usually ask these questions or dream about these babies that were never meant to be mine because it hurts. Oh it hurts so bad that it sucks the air from my lungs and leaves me gasping for breath and leaves a tightening in my throat. And then Pandora (oh, Pandora..you are the death of me sometimes and times like today you are a savior!) played Just Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble.

I might have to wait.
I'll never give up.
I guess it's half timing,
And the other half's luck.
Wherever you are.
Whenever it's right.
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazing.
And baby your love is gonna change me.
And now I can see every possibility.

I LOVE Michael Buble like truly LOVE his music, his voice, his persona and everything about him. This song is for you, Baby. We haven't met yet but we will. I will never give up on you and I know that you will be the biggest joy of my life. I will wait for you as long as I have to and will love you no matter where you come from.  You have a daddy waiting for you that is kind, funny, sosososososo interesting to talk to and wants to protect and love you more than anything.  We love you.