It won't be soon before long

I don't want this to be the last picture I have of me and Grandmom. You can't see me. Aunt Doris and Grandmom look uncomfortable. B has a silly smile on his face (all he wanted to do was go play!) and David is wearing a shirt that says "You shouldn't feed pigeons chili."
Unfortunately, I forgot to take pictures when I saw her in August. I was stressed about having to lug a friend with me when I went to see my grandmother to say my final goodbyes. I knew she wasn't doing well. I knew that she had been in and out of the hospital. I could see that she was tuckered out just from our one hour long visit where I sat squished in between my hubby and a nosy friend who felt the need to be a part of this big moment. But I allowed the tension between this friend and I to taint my time with my grandmother.
I didn't get to tell her what she means to me. How she was a safe haven for me to go every summer to get away from the family I grew up in. How I needed her unconditional love and how I soaked it up and it fortified me through a childhood where I was always 3rd or 4th on the list. How she made me feel special when no one else did. I didn't get to tell her that I am so sorry that I only call every couple of weeks and how I wished I lived closer so I could see her more.
My grandmother ran a red light about 8 weeks ago and slammed into a tree with enough force to shatter her pelvis, break her legs, crack some ribs and break her back. Miraculously she lived. No one knew where she was for weeks. A cousin ended up putting out a missing persons report on her and found her in a rehab unit in a full body cast. My grandmother is alone, scared, in pain and unable to move in a nursing home outside of Philadelphia. 
I get a second chance. She isn't doing well and has told my Aunt Doris that she wished the car crash had just killed her because she's so tired of living. She misses her husband who is surely waiting for her and can't wait to be free from pain. I can't let our last words be guarded because they were spoken in front of prying eyes. She's been asking for me; asking to speak to me but also telling me to stay away. She doesn't want me to come home for the funeral. She asked me to save the money it would cost for a plane ticket and put it towards our adoption. She said she was proud of me and David and of the life we've created together and that we would be great parents. Even as she is preparing to leave this world she affirms me every chance she gets.
I've chosen a name for my daughter. I have my grandmother's name as my middle name and my daughter will have my grandmother's first name as her middle name. She will be Georgianna Alyze. Alyze-Joyful, Joyus, Joy. My daughter will forever remind me of how my grandmother answered the phone with such joy in her voice to hear me.
I get a second chance at goodbye. I booked my tickets for November 17th.