Lutheran Family Services has called to see if we are still interested in their infant adoption program!!! We will get a call next week to schedule our interview again! I'm torn..our adoption fund is running waaaaay low and we planned on buying a house this spring. I don't think we can do both. Obviously the baby comes first but I won't be devistated if we get pushed back to the Spring enrollment. On the other hand, I won't be devistated if we don't buy a house for another year or two.
So... basically, I'm saying that I'm at peace with the whole thing? Yeah. I'm confused too. :)
Showing posts with label life changing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life changing. Show all posts
7.31.2012
4.20.2012
Baby Girl...Part 2
Well...she's been weighing heavily on my mind lately so I figure I might as well tell the rest of it.
Read PART ONE first!!
After these visits with Baby Girl, we wanted to move forward legally. I don't want to be a glorified babysitter; I want to be a MOTHER. My good friend, Racean (pronounced RAY-shawn), was in constant contact with me and Baby Girl's aunt. Racean and I talked it over and decided that if I would take the youngest (Baby Girl) of the siblings she would take the other THREE. Racean is truly an angel. You have to understand that at this point she already had 4? of her own, twins on the way and a goddaughter that frequently lived with her. And yet she was still ready to take on THREE other kids!!!
We agreed that we would let the kids talk to each other every night, alternate sleepover weekends where each family would take turns taking all the kids, attend Racean's church every Sunday, get together every holiday and we would aim for 2-3 family dinners every month. That's a LOT of compromise there. We would be seeing Racean and Baby Girl's family 1-2 times every week and at least 8-10 times per month. We had a game plan and we were going to give some little kids some MUCH needed love, attention, and a home that wanted them.
It broke my heart every time I dropped BG off at her aunt's house. She would be shuffled into the room that she shared with her older sister and two older brothers that had an A.L.A.R.M. on the door that sounded every time someone opened it. Yes, those kids were prisoners in their aunt's house. I was there for dinner one day and the aunt's children had McDonald's for dinner while BG & her siblings had 2 slices of salami on white bread and water for dinner. WTF?! Who treats kids like that???? I don't care if you don't like the kids; they're still children that rely on you for everything!!!!
Racean and I spoke to the case worker on this case and told them we would like to adopt them and that we had a game plan. I made it very clear that I understand there is a cultural difference between me and my future daughter but I had a plan to help her remain in touch with her roots and her family and her culture. I explained how I had learned to do her hair and take care of her skin. I let them know that I understood the dirty looks that I was going to receive when I took her out to the park, the mall, the restaurant. D & I understood that there were always going to be whispers behind hands from people who were TRYING to be tactful and full on stares or rude comments from people who were ignorant. None of that matters when it comes to love. I loved this little girl like she was my own. I was prepared to take care of this little girl like she had come from my "lady garden" while acknowledging that she was the daughter of another mother. We were even prepared to keep the family ties with her first family and add them to our family.
These ladies sat in my living room drinking iced tea and nibbling on the fruit tray I put out smiling and nodding their heads. Racean and I explained how we were going to practically co-parent so the kids wouldn't feel like they were separated. Then they dropped a bomb on us. If we wanted Baby Girl, we had to take the youngest boy. Uh..say what? This isn't a sale at Younkers...there shouldn't be any fine print. We're not expecting a BOGO event here, people...we're talking about kids who need homes and people who are willing to give them!
My mind works fast...sometimes way faster than D's does. I said that we would think about it and do a visit with him this coming weekend. D has always wanted a son; I have always wanted a daughter. This would be almost perfect. Baby Girl was the sweetest little thing on Earth; she was so eager to please and hungry for attention and love and if her brother was anything like her I would be honored to have him as a son too!
Fast forward to the end of the week. D & I are excited to get our kids and get on with our plans for the weekend which included tickets to a football game.
Game didn't go well and the little boy was hell on 2 tiny feet. I swear he wanted to drown in the indoor pool! He kept leaving the floatie to jump off the step as far away from me as possible. Let me tell ya something...little kids can MOVE! As we were walking away from the pool, he let go of my hand and jumped back into the pool. I am 250 ISH pounds and not prone to running...it makes my boobs bounce too much and that crap HURTS! I hauled ass and jumped in after him only to see Baby Girl come flying in after us. That brings me to parenting lesson #2: DO NOT TAKE MORE THAN ONE TODDLER TO THE POOL WITH OUT ADDITIONAL ADULTS. This kid was unruly and hell bent on tearing up anything he could from papers in the car to clothing to my cats! When he was with Baby Girl all he did was torment her. He would pinch her, bend her fingers back, pull her hair, smack her, steal her food, bite her. I swear I spend that entire weekend trying to keep him off of her. I knew there was no way I could handle the two of them together so Racean and I made a plan. After the adoptions were finalized, I would sign custody over to her and she would take the little boy. She wanted him because he LOVED her and Chuck (her husband) and they already had a special bond. I'm not sure why the case workers were ok with splitting the kids up in 2 and 2 but not in 3 and 1.
Then we found out that it wasn't even an option. Because D & I are white. Yup. Mama found out that we were white and raised hell. Apparently she's ok with her kids being treated horribly but not ok with them being raised by a white girl. Oh, and BTW...Racean...Yeah..she isn't white. So I'd be spending damn near 1/2 my month with Racean's family and that still wasn't good enough.
Bitter? Not any more but my heart does still ache for my brown skinned not-daughter.
Read PART ONE first!!
After these visits with Baby Girl, we wanted to move forward legally. I don't want to be a glorified babysitter; I want to be a MOTHER. My good friend, Racean (pronounced RAY-shawn), was in constant contact with me and Baby Girl's aunt. Racean and I talked it over and decided that if I would take the youngest (Baby Girl) of the siblings she would take the other THREE. Racean is truly an angel. You have to understand that at this point she already had 4? of her own, twins on the way and a goddaughter that frequently lived with her. And yet she was still ready to take on THREE other kids!!!
We agreed that we would let the kids talk to each other every night, alternate sleepover weekends where each family would take turns taking all the kids, attend Racean's church every Sunday, get together every holiday and we would aim for 2-3 family dinners every month. That's a LOT of compromise there. We would be seeing Racean and Baby Girl's family 1-2 times every week and at least 8-10 times per month. We had a game plan and we were going to give some little kids some MUCH needed love, attention, and a home that wanted them.
It broke my heart every time I dropped BG off at her aunt's house. She would be shuffled into the room that she shared with her older sister and two older brothers that had an A.L.A.R.M. on the door that sounded every time someone opened it. Yes, those kids were prisoners in their aunt's house. I was there for dinner one day and the aunt's children had McDonald's for dinner while BG & her siblings had 2 slices of salami on white bread and water for dinner. WTF?! Who treats kids like that???? I don't care if you don't like the kids; they're still children that rely on you for everything!!!!
Racean and I spoke to the case worker on this case and told them we would like to adopt them and that we had a game plan. I made it very clear that I understand there is a cultural difference between me and my future daughter but I had a plan to help her remain in touch with her roots and her family and her culture. I explained how I had learned to do her hair and take care of her skin. I let them know that I understood the dirty looks that I was going to receive when I took her out to the park, the mall, the restaurant. D & I understood that there were always going to be whispers behind hands from people who were TRYING to be tactful and full on stares or rude comments from people who were ignorant. None of that matters when it comes to love. I loved this little girl like she was my own. I was prepared to take care of this little girl like she had come from my "lady garden" while acknowledging that she was the daughter of another mother. We were even prepared to keep the family ties with her first family and add them to our family.
These ladies sat in my living room drinking iced tea and nibbling on the fruit tray I put out smiling and nodding their heads. Racean and I explained how we were going to practically co-parent so the kids wouldn't feel like they were separated. Then they dropped a bomb on us. If we wanted Baby Girl, we had to take the youngest boy. Uh..say what? This isn't a sale at Younkers...there shouldn't be any fine print. We're not expecting a BOGO event here, people...we're talking about kids who need homes and people who are willing to give them!
My mind works fast...sometimes way faster than D's does. I said that we would think about it and do a visit with him this coming weekend. D has always wanted a son; I have always wanted a daughter. This would be almost perfect. Baby Girl was the sweetest little thing on Earth; she was so eager to please and hungry for attention and love and if her brother was anything like her I would be honored to have him as a son too!
Fast forward to the end of the week. D & I are excited to get our kids and get on with our plans for the weekend which included tickets to a football game.
Game didn't go well and the little boy was hell on 2 tiny feet. I swear he wanted to drown in the indoor pool! He kept leaving the floatie to jump off the step as far away from me as possible. Let me tell ya something...little kids can MOVE! As we were walking away from the pool, he let go of my hand and jumped back into the pool. I am 250 ISH pounds and not prone to running...it makes my boobs bounce too much and that crap HURTS! I hauled ass and jumped in after him only to see Baby Girl come flying in after us. That brings me to parenting lesson #2: DO NOT TAKE MORE THAN ONE TODDLER TO THE POOL WITH OUT ADDITIONAL ADULTS. This kid was unruly and hell bent on tearing up anything he could from papers in the car to clothing to my cats! When he was with Baby Girl all he did was torment her. He would pinch her, bend her fingers back, pull her hair, smack her, steal her food, bite her. I swear I spend that entire weekend trying to keep him off of her. I knew there was no way I could handle the two of them together so Racean and I made a plan. After the adoptions were finalized, I would sign custody over to her and she would take the little boy. She wanted him because he LOVED her and Chuck (her husband) and they already had a special bond. I'm not sure why the case workers were ok with splitting the kids up in 2 and 2 but not in 3 and 1.
Then we found out that it wasn't even an option. Because D & I are white. Yup. Mama found out that we were white and raised hell. Apparently she's ok with her kids being treated horribly but not ok with them being raised by a white girl. Oh, and BTW...Racean...Yeah..she isn't white. So I'd be spending damn near 1/2 my month with Racean's family and that still wasn't good enough.
Bitter? Not any more but my heart does still ache for my brown skinned not-daughter.
4.02.2012
My eyes have been opened.
Little by little my heart is breaking each day. And HE WASN'T EVEN MY CHILD. I can not imagine how my friend, Tomeko, is feeling. One week ago today, her 24 year old son had a seizure in his sleep and passed away. I was on my way to a training on life insurance when I found out and I couldn't stop thinking about it during both days of training.
Of course I sent the obligatory text/facebook message/sympathy card and called Meko to see what I could do to help but she sounded so lost and tired and it slowly started to sink in that I would never understand exactly how she feels unless I had the same experiences. She isn't going to bounce back in a week, a month, a year or ever.
Her son is dead.
Forever.
Never coming back.
And my heart broke for her. There is nothing you can say or do to ease someone's heartache. I can only hope that she has a light that helps guide her through her fog. I've spent the larger part of today fighting off tears that want to come every time I think of Joey's sweet smile and gentle disposition or of Meko's shattered heart.
I've watched Meko try to figure out how she was going to manage to give her son a funeral, struggle to come up with the funds to purchase a headstone and purchase his last outfit. The worst part is she hasn't even started to deal with the financial aftermath of taking time off of work past her THREE days of bereavement pay.
Being an insurance agent, I hear tough stories everyday. The client whose wife passed away and left him with two young daughters and no life insurance. The man who had it through work and couldn't afford to take it with him when he retired who is now unable to buy insurance due to his health. The young family with a 4 and 5 year old who would rather buy a big house, a new car, new fancy computer, and eat out frequently than make the SELFLESS decision to make the hard choice and buy insurance to protect their loved ones and the life style lived.
I've never had to watch someone I love struggle through a death. You'll probably read this and think "How sad!" and put that wall up around your heart. I want you to keep that wall down for the next couple minutes. I want you to imagine how it would feel to be you. I want to open your eyes. I want to protect you and your loved ones from the tiny fraction of Meko's heartache that I'm feeling and from the full weight of loss that is on her shoulders right now. I want you to visit Life Foundation's website and read these stories.
After reading them, I want you to think how you would FEEL if your spouse died last Friday. What if the last paycheck you received truly was THE last? How would your family pay the rent/mortgage every month? Are they going to have to downgrade or sell their home? What dreams are they going to have to give up? College education? Financial security? Travelling? How long is your spouse/mother/father/loved one going to have before they HAVE to pull it together to go back to work? 3 days? 2 weeks? What if they just can't scrape themselves up off the floor?
Now I want you to think how you would feel if this was you. What if your loved one died last Friday and you've received the final paycheck. How long do you want to have to get it together? How long do you want to stay in your home? What dreams are you going to have to give up?
I blame myself for part of Meko's struggles. I never asked. I didn't push. I didn't want to offend or ruin a friendship. I assumed she couldn't afford it. I wish I had. I'll never get another chance.
I can't write a policy on 95% of you (because of location) but I can help you determine your NEED to cover your family's WANTS. How do you think Meko would feel if I could write her a $10,000, $50,000, $100,000 check instead of sending a measly card? Do you think she would have paid the $20 or more per month to get that check today?
Email me: Jenna@tanyaPatzner.com, call me at 402.333.1866, text me at 402.490.4862, Facebook me
and I'll help you determine what you need. There's no cost for knowledge. If you're not comfortable with that, check with a local agent.
I need you to truly feel this. You need life insurance whether you ignore it or not. You have some through work or you purchased some years ago, that's great! That's a start! How do you know if you have enough? How do you know if you never get it checked.
I'm not sorry for pushing you now and your family wouldn't be sorry for it either.
Of course I sent the obligatory text/facebook message/sympathy card and called Meko to see what I could do to help but she sounded so lost and tired and it slowly started to sink in that I would never understand exactly how she feels unless I had the same experiences. She isn't going to bounce back in a week, a month, a year or ever.
Her son is dead.
Forever.
Never coming back.
And my heart broke for her. There is nothing you can say or do to ease someone's heartache. I can only hope that she has a light that helps guide her through her fog. I've spent the larger part of today fighting off tears that want to come every time I think of Joey's sweet smile and gentle disposition or of Meko's shattered heart.
I've watched Meko try to figure out how she was going to manage to give her son a funeral, struggle to come up with the funds to purchase a headstone and purchase his last outfit. The worst part is she hasn't even started to deal with the financial aftermath of taking time off of work past her THREE days of bereavement pay.
Being an insurance agent, I hear tough stories everyday. The client whose wife passed away and left him with two young daughters and no life insurance. The man who had it through work and couldn't afford to take it with him when he retired who is now unable to buy insurance due to his health. The young family with a 4 and 5 year old who would rather buy a big house, a new car, new fancy computer, and eat out frequently than make the SELFLESS decision to make the hard choice and buy insurance to protect their loved ones and the life style lived.
I've never had to watch someone I love struggle through a death. You'll probably read this and think "How sad!" and put that wall up around your heart. I want you to keep that wall down for the next couple minutes. I want you to imagine how it would feel to be you. I want to open your eyes. I want to protect you and your loved ones from the tiny fraction of Meko's heartache that I'm feeling and from the full weight of loss that is on her shoulders right now. I want you to visit Life Foundation's website and read these stories.
After reading them, I want you to think how you would FEEL if your spouse died last Friday. What if the last paycheck you received truly was THE last? How would your family pay the rent/mortgage every month? Are they going to have to downgrade or sell their home? What dreams are they going to have to give up? College education? Financial security? Travelling? How long is your spouse/mother/father/loved one going to have before they HAVE to pull it together to go back to work? 3 days? 2 weeks? What if they just can't scrape themselves up off the floor?
Now I want you to think how you would feel if this was you. What if your loved one died last Friday and you've received the final paycheck. How long do you want to have to get it together? How long do you want to stay in your home? What dreams are you going to have to give up?
I blame myself for part of Meko's struggles. I never asked. I didn't push. I didn't want to offend or ruin a friendship. I assumed she couldn't afford it. I wish I had. I'll never get another chance.
I can't write a policy on 95% of you (because of location) but I can help you determine your NEED to cover your family's WANTS. How do you think Meko would feel if I could write her a $10,000, $50,000, $100,000 check instead of sending a measly card? Do you think she would have paid the $20 or more per month to get that check today?
Email me: Jenna@tanyaPatzner.com, call me at 402.333.1866, text me at 402.490.4862, Facebook me
and I'll help you determine what you need. There's no cost for knowledge. If you're not comfortable with that, check with a local agent.
I need you to truly feel this. You need life insurance whether you ignore it or not. You have some through work or you purchased some years ago, that's great! That's a start! How do you know if you have enough? How do you know if you never get it checked.
I'm not sorry for pushing you now and your family wouldn't be sorry for it either.
Once our eyes are opened we can not pretend we don't know what to do. I know what I have to do.
10.06.2011
And the waiting game begins!
I have a feeling we are going to get very familiar with waiting. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a fairly impatient person. I want things when I want them and it's usually NOW. So we dropped off the adoption application yesterday and I called to follow up with it today. Yeaaahhh.....It won't be reviewed until FEBRUARY!! Until then we are supposed to research the agency and research, research, research open adoptions. We aren't guaranteed a spot in the program until after they interview us and even then there are only so many spots open.
I need to hold on to our dreams. I can definitely see why people turn to religion in these situations. It's comforting to think that God is up there pulling invisible strings that will move me closer and closer towards my baby. Maybe the Chinese have it correct. Maybe there is a thread tied to each of us that connects us to someone we are destined to meet and love at some point in our lives. My child is not born yet and may not even be conceived but I am positive that he/she will find his/her way into my arms. Until then, I'll do everything I can to make our lives ready for him/her.
 An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.- An ancient Chinese belief |
10.03.2011
I am a very happy insurance agent!
There are days when I <3 my job and then there are days when I <3 my job!! Today is one of the latter! After talking with Tanya, my all around wonderful boss, mentor, friend, & insurance agent I have the clearance to set up a booth at the local National Adoption Day celebration on November 19th to hand out Good Neigh-BEARS (too cute, right?!), baby bibs, Cars 2 Shirts, and homemade cookies/cupcakes to families who just finalized their adoptions all funded by and branded with Tanya Patzner State Farm. We're not even putting brochures in the goody bags!!! As a natural born sales person and someone who FIRMLY believes in life insurance (and not just because I sell it! Email me if you're interested!!! ;P) I LOVE the fact that TP is willing to altruistically donate these goods without attaching life insurance quotes or reminding the masses that their lives are forever changed and that they might want to protect their children's futures by purchasing life insurance in case something happens to them.
That being said, I feel strongly enough about protecting your children that I will be wearing my ASK ME ABOUT LIFE INSURANCE shirt, pin, hat, anything-else-I-can-get-away-with to remind these parents that while life insurance doesn't have shiny wheels, or look super cute on your new baby, or be something that the neighbors ooh and ahh over, it is one of the most important things you can purchase to PROTECT your child and often one of the most over looked. I'm not fond of having a friend roll their eyes at me or sigh when I bring it up and I would HATE to be accused of only trying to make a sale but more importantly, I never want to hear that someone I had the opportunity to talk to about insurance and chickened out of having that conversation due to a fear of annoying them actually NEEDED insurance but didn't get it in time.
Please, please, please make sure you are insured enough to protect your family's future. If you have any niggling little doubts about whether you have enough or might need more or if you believe that you can't afford life insurance PLEASE CONTACT ME!!!!
I don't want anyone to realize that they needed more insurance the day they need it.
If you're in Nebraska or Iowa, call 402.333.1866 and ask me to review what you have. It's free and there we operate a no pressure office.
Helpful links:
Life Insurance Calculator
What kind of life insurance do I need?
Contact me at work if you have questions
Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there...with an agent who has her own adoption blog!!!
Peace & Bacon Grease!
That being said, I feel strongly enough about protecting your children that I will be wearing my ASK ME ABOUT LIFE INSURANCE shirt, pin, hat, anything-else-I-can-get-away-with to remind these parents that while life insurance doesn't have shiny wheels, or look super cute on your new baby, or be something that the neighbors ooh and ahh over, it is one of the most important things you can purchase to PROTECT your child and often one of the most over looked. I'm not fond of having a friend roll their eyes at me or sigh when I bring it up and I would HATE to be accused of only trying to make a sale but more importantly, I never want to hear that someone I had the opportunity to talk to about insurance and chickened out of having that conversation due to a fear of annoying them actually NEEDED insurance but didn't get it in time.
Please, please, please make sure you are insured enough to protect your family's future. If you have any niggling little doubts about whether you have enough or might need more or if you believe that you can't afford life insurance PLEASE CONTACT ME!!!!
I don't want anyone to realize that they needed more insurance the day they need it.
If you're in Nebraska or Iowa, call 402.333.1866 and ask me to review what you have. It's free and there we operate a no pressure office.
Helpful links:
Life Insurance Calculator
What kind of life insurance do I need?
Contact me at work if you have questions
Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there...with an agent who has her own adoption blog!!!
Peace & Bacon Grease!
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